Film Life Black Movie Awards Red Carpet Report (Since we weren’t allowed INSIDE the damn thang!)

Originally Published: October 24, 2005

My man Charles got some great shots, and some great glimpses, at the recent Film Life Black Movie Awards, at the Wiltern Theater, in LA. Here’s his report:

At first I wasn’t going to write an article about the Black Movie Awards since, at the last minute, they decided NOT to allow the press inside, but then I thought to myself “Hell, I’m on the Red Carpet, let me speak on that scene. I don’t have to be some ritzy ‘Fashionista’ to get my Red Carpet Report on…right?” so here it is.

RED CARPET LOVE!

Filmfetish.com is growing, y’all! We had a cool spot on the Red Carpet, right the entrance, so we were able to get a good glimpse and get some good shots of the celebs making their way into the Wiltern Theater here in L.A.

My photographer, Kim, was all hyped-up because this was a new experience for her. She looked every bit the part of a vet though, trying to scope better locations to shoot from just so she wouldn’t miss any of the key stars (Namely Terrance Howard, who, from the looks of her disappointment as he whisked by us without stopping, obviously plans to have the man’s children). Sorry, Kim! Maybe next time you can tackle him, huh?

SOME OF THE NOTABLES

Ruby Dee. Black cinema’s reigning Queen Mother. Even minus her better half she was still the most regal thespian on the scene. She just seemed to gliiiiiide across the carpet and that smile outshined most of the flashbulbs fluttering about her presence. Do ya thang, Mother Sister.

Big Bill Duke. STILL looks menacing until he cracks that smile and then he just looks like a big teddy bear…that will beat yo ass. Cool brotha. I’m going to always remember him as Mac from “Predator” – Taking his dry razor to his face and shaving with no cream, and then causing himself to bleed after he saw the Predator. All I kept thinkin’ was “He gon’ need some Neosporin for that.”

Robert Townsend. Mr. Hollywood Shuffle himself. The man that basically launched the careers of all 514 members of the Wayans family. He’s just a cool ass brotha altogether.

Loretta Devine. As cool as they get. Always had a smile and had time to talk to everyone tugging at her. I still remember that awesome switch she used on Gregory Hines in “Waiting To Exhale.” What a great performance.

Bobby Brown. Whitney-less. He looked like he was going to the liquor store though. I can’t really explain it, once you see the pics, maybe you can tell me. I don’t think he was high though, so that’s a good thing. I think?

THE GEAR

The fellas were dressed nicely; suits, a tux here and there, blah, blah, blah…yeah, yeah, yeah…Look, I’m here to talk about what the ladies had on!

The theme that night: GOD, CAN YOU PLEASE CAUSE A COUPLE OF WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS?

As one can imagine, all the sexiness was out in full glory. I love L.A. Really, I do.

There was this one sista from one of the entertainment shows next to us wearing some beautiful “I Dream Of Jeannie”-inspired ensemble that was very, very, very low cut in the back and just barely covered her “twins.” Magnificent. I have to admit, I was really looking for Justin Timberlake to come over to her and jinx the hell out of her. But it never happened. Damn.

Then there was Meagan Good, or who I now refer to as Meagan Good-GAWD! She is all grow’d up now and she made sure showed us! She had on this little number that made even the seasoned vet photographers hope she’d have a Janet Jackson moment. But again, nothing happened. Meagan is truly a grown ass woman now. Good-GAWD!

Zoe Saldana had a similar outfit to what Meagan had on and she walked gingerly enough to where there would be no reason for a 7 second delay if something “fell out.” Where are the Santa Ana Winds when you need them?

Vivica ran by us. So did Tracee Ellis Ross. So did Vanessa A. Williams. They missed out, cuz a brotha was lookin’ kinda smooth that night, you know? I mean, I had my beard all lined up, had that S-Curl look workin’, and was dressed in all black. Tight! (Even though Kim said I looked like Gerald LeVert on steroids. Why she do me like that?).

Then things slowed up a bit. I grew bored. Uninspired. The evening slowly turned blasé. Nothing but the “guy celebs” started coming by: Larenz Tate, Kenny Lattimore and Blair Underwood. Boo! Like I cared. Hell, I was as suave as them brothas. I mean seriously, what they got that I ain’t got? Aw shut up!

But hey! Kim sure was happy, especially since she figured out how to legally stalk Terrance Howard after the show let out! You go, Kim! Get you stalk on!

So just when I was about to leave and go next door to Denny’s and order a Moons Over My Hammy breakfast…

It happened! (Cue Prince’s “The Most Beautiful Girl In The World”).

She walked over. I gasped. I shook. I shivered. I even shed a tear. God loves me. I KNOW he does, especially now. Because it was Her.

Elise Neal.

Heavens to Mergatroid.

I wasn’t even supposed to take pictures but suddenly I snatched the camera from Kim and started shooting Elise like I was a hired gun on the set of “America’s Top Model.”

Scratch that – It was just Elise and I on a tropical island with an ocean breeze blowing softly her hair. (Hey! Don’t wake me!)

She had this pink, flowing dress on and she has a body of a track star, so everything just fell so nicely into place. She also looked extra busty as well. The only thing I could think of at that very moment was “Got Milk?” Yeah, I know, I was wrong for that, but I’m a heterosexual male enjoying the view of one of the finest women walking the face of the Earth, so you’ll have to forgive me! (wink!)

I was lost in love, what can I say? I almost had my OWN damn wardrobe malfunction, but I won’t go into that. (smile)

After that encounter, I can’t quite remember anything else. I’m pretty sure the show happened, people won, the audience applauded, everyone had a nice time, and then went to a few parties…blah, blah, blah…All I know is that I saw Elise Neal and after that, nothing really matters.

As always, you can reach Charles at his Film Fetish address – CharlesM@FilmFetish.com »

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