Humorous Quotes

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We use the guillotine in this country [France]. I have always imagined that the blade, coming down, causes no more than a slight tickling sensation on the back of the neck. It is only a guess, of course... I hope none of you ever finds out for certain.

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By: Jacques Marin
Characters: Police Inspector Edouard Grandpierre
From: Charade

Context:
Inspector Grandpierre (played by Jacques Marin) said that line to Peter Joshua (Cary Grant) and Regina Lampert (Audrey Hepburn), while investigating the murder of the mysterious Charles Lampert in Stanley Donen's classic whodunit Charade.

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You're gonna need a bigger boat.

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By: Richard Dreyfuss
From: Jaws
Genres: Cult Cinema | Horror

Context:
Richard Dreyfuss (who played Matt Hooper) says this to Roy Scheider (Chief Martin Brody) and Robert Shaw (Sam Quint), after seeing the size of the shark in Steven Spielberg's classic thriller Jaws (1975)

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I believe in the Church of Baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I’ve worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan….I’ve tried ‘em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

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By: Susan Sarandon
From: Bull Durham
Genres: Comedy

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Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

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By: Stephen Leacock

Context:
Said by Canadian humorist and writer Stephen Leacock.

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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

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By: Mark Twain

Context:
Mark Twain, written in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court